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Identities

Ten years ago, I saw my self as 'a bit of a feminist', but looking back now I wonder if I really was a feminist, but then again, I probably was a bit of a feminist, not quite a feminist that i See myself as today as or as much of a Feminist I would want to be...
Today I see myself as a strong Dalit Woman, A Leader, An Ambedkarite, A Feminist.
But what does it really mean to be all these things?

For a long time I was not very comfortable about my identity as a Dalit, I was afraid to let people know that because I felt that if any of the people around me knew it then they would think that I just got a free pass at things because I am an SC and I can avail of reservation a so called 'privilege' which my other friends couldn't have. What truly inspired me and led to not just accept but also embrace my Dalit identity was being a member of Ambedkar Students Association. It was not something that happened overnight, it has been a gradual process, nevertheless, I am happy to be where I am. What really kick started it off was this event we conducted back in 2016, I was supposed to speak at the event, it was supposed to be a freshers party of sort welcoming new students into our organization. I asked Papa for a few points, he talked about how for generations we have been made to believe that we are not good enough, we cannot be smart, we always belong in the bottom and how that has created an inferiority complex in our subconscious minds. And we let that feeling keep dragging us down. We must break out of this stereotype and prove to ourselves and to the people around us that we will no longer stay within that that mould that has been cast for us by our oppressors. After I spoke to Papa, I sat back thinking about what he said, I thought of Ambedkar, the smartest man India has ever seen, a Dalit,  I thought of my Father, the smartest man I knew, a Dalit, and I thought of myself, a Dalit. So what did I have to be ashamed of? Just because people think that I am not good enough because of my social identity, does it make me any less of a credible person or does it just prove their narrow thinking and expose pigeonholing mindset?

It was like an epiphany, I understood that being is A Dalit is something to be proud of, not to be ashamed and it is something i must embrace. Later that evening, I announced to the world around me, "I am a Dalit and I am proud of being one!" It was truly a liberating moment. My speech that evening was just average, but that day was truly memorable, not just because my then Boyfreind and now Husband was there watching, but because that was the day I openly embraced who I am, A strong Dalit Woman.

Jai Bhim. 

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