The Beginning

Throw back to last year’s Ambedkar Jayanthi.

This by far has been one of the proudest moment of my life. I still remember the emotions I felt at this moment, I was so overwhelmed about having the opportunity to honour Babasheb, I almost teared up at this moment thinking of the significance this moment held in my life.

In all my years, I have never gotten the opportunity to garland the statue of Babasaheb, I have always been forced to play second fiddle either to my parents or my fellow members in the organization, I would stand by and just watch and put my hand on the garland and make do with it saying I too put the garland. That’s why I had tears in my eyes when I finally got the opportunity to garland him as the first woman president ever of an organization like Ambedkar Students Association.

Being the daughter of a larger than life personality has always put me in the shadows of my parents, I am happy for my parents and am grateful for all that they do for us, but being a child of such overachieving individuals comes with its challenges, it takes a long time for everyone to recognize you as you not simply because you are someone’s child, and all the time you are trying hard to escape that shadow and make people see you for who you truly are. My father was the ultimate success story in my village and rightly so, because these things don’t come easy to individuals who have strived in poverty and have the tag of caste weighing them down. While it is exhilarating to listen and inspiring to see how far he has come, it puts that much pressure on you, that is why I always wanted to do what he hasn’t done, that is part of the reason why I chose to do PhD, because that would be truly my achievement, something I wouldn’t probably have had even if I cleared Civil Services.

Being a woman comes with its own set of challenges, you have to constantly prove yourself, that your gender is not a handicap when it comes to competing with men especially on an intellectual level.

I hail from a village near Kolleru, where there is a statue of Ambedkar within fifty meters from our house, this statue was erected by my father, my uncle and their peers, what was so special about this statue is that they paid for it with the wages they earned working in the fields during their summer holidays. Ever since I heard of this story I developed a certain affection for the statue knowing that my beloved father had a role to play in it being there. But for most of my adolescent and adult life I was never allowed to go there unless I was accompanied by someone. You see when you are a girl there are some unspoken restrictions imposed upon you that bind your movements. Nobody speaks of it, but it is always there, true you are not forbidden from going to a distant city to study but you will be forbidden to cross the threshold of your home in your own village, why you ask? There is no straight answer for that other than that you are a girl and should not roam about like boys. As a child and teenager, I always wondered why I was never allowed to go to visit the statue of this great person that my father spoke so passionately about and listening to which you too began to admire and adore this person. Why is a little girl forbidden from going to visit a statue of the very same person who propagated equality and dedicated his life for it? Again, there are no logical answers to it, simply because being a girl you should not dare to take up such feats. You are a girl, no matter how educated and empowered there are certain invisible thresholds you mustn’t cross. As an adult I told myself I had to be wise in picking my fights, I had to make do with the times I would go along with my parents when they would be called for a function.

Almost the same thing happened even in my time in ASA for a very long time, and I had to make do with being second fiddle to my peers, mostly men, until I became the president of the organization.

For many it may seem like a mundane thing, like what is so great about putting a garland on a statue, for me it meant more than that because of who’s statue it was. Ambedkar was a name that propped up in so many of the conversations in our family, he has had an ever-constant presence in our lives, a guardian angel guiding us on the path of emancipation one way or another. My parents and their friends formed a group wherein they would try to gather every Sunday and discuss about Ambedkar it was then that a senior officer told my parents two important things. One, to set aside a small amount of their earnings every month for me and my sister and two to put me in a boarding school and give me the best education they can afford and do the same for my sister when she came of age. I remember that day was one of serious contemplation, my parents discussed amongst themselves of the gravitas of the statement. They asked me if I was willing to go and study in a boarding school, I replied with enthusiasm that I would. The next day my parents made several calls to our family friends and relatives living in Hyderabad and Bangalore., it was still the age of telephone calls and all research was done via calling people you knew over the phone. Eventually they put me in Bishop Cotton Girls School knowing fully well that educating their child in such an institution was going to be heavy on their pockets but it was a sacrifice they were willing to make and sent me to Cottons anyway. That particular day in my life was a very pivotal one for it changed the entire course of my life. And I know that I owe it to my parents, my Uncle who instructed my parents, and most of all Ambedkar, because if it wasn’t for him the likes my parents, my uncle, and all their friends who gathered for the weekly discussions wouldn’t have been able to be where they were. My parents understood the teachings of Ambedkar, that is why they followed the philosophy of Ambedkar who actively advocated the importance education even for girls. I remember when I was packing my things and getting ready to go to school, there were several concerns about sending off a girl so far and shelling so much money that too on a girl. But this didn’t bother my parents or my grandparents, and I know that the reason was Ambedkar. I know that knowingly or unknowingly Babasaheb has had a profound impact on my life and, I AM BECAUSE HE WAS, that is why it meant so much that I get a chance to honour the man who has done so much for me even before the idea of me was conceived.

That’s why I had tears in my eyes when I finally got the opportunity to garland him as the first woman president ever of an organization like Ambedkar Students Association.

A lot has happened since that moment but this Ambedkar Jayanthi I am thankful for Babasaheb and thankful for moments like these.

Jai Bhim.