The Beginning

I wasn't able to write yesterday, maybe my mind was too clogged, I knew what I wanted to write about but still couldn't get myself to write, maybe it will take me some more time to write about it.

To be honest, writing everyday is more tough than it seems, now I am wondering what was I thinking when I told myself that I am going to write everyday! Somedays you just don't get the flow to write, it has to do with the fear of not wanting to sound repetitive I suppose that keeps you from writing on most days, because you don't quite know what to write. But pushing yourself to write even if you are not able to is probably one way of trying to hone your writing skills. Writing like this reminds me of the time I used to write my diary as a child and teen. As an adult I knew better than pouring out my most intimate feelings into a book that is accessible to all at home. Come to think of it I am more  comfortable putting my thoughts out there on the internet for everyone to see but not comfortable to pen them down in a book. But then again, only the people who know the link to the blog can read it and let's face it the possibility of a random stranger chancing upon my blog is quite slim so I guess we are safe there.

Actually writing your diary was a habit that was highly encouraged by my parents and grandparents, it was seen as an intellectual exercise. I first came across my paternal grandfather's diary when I was a kid, his diary was more a log literally of all the activities he had done on that particular day. Somehow that fascinated me. I think I had my first diary when I was about eight years, when we were in Amamlapuram, it was New Year, the year 1996, so many people had brought diaries along with fruits and flowers to wish Amma and Papa for the New Year. I went through all the diaries and selected one that I liked best and went to Papa and Amma and said I want this diary. I remember he asked me what I was going to do with it. I said I will write my diary everyday. 'where did you find out about a diary?' he asked. I told him that I saw Thatheyagru writing so I also wanted to. So he laughed and said 'if you are going to write like him then I wont give you, tell me a better reason as to why I should give you this diary then I will think about it.'

I was quite determined to get a diary although I wasn't quite sure as to what I was going to do with it, I just had to have it my possession, write my name on the first page in beautiful letters, it was going to be 'my book' but I hadn't given it too much thought as to what exactly I was going to do with it. I thought about it for a minute and told my father 'I will write about my feelings, about important things that happened on that particular day'

I could see a satisfied smile on my father's face, he said 'ok I will give you a diary, but first I want to see all the diaries and then will decide which one to give you'. I was excited for a moment but it was short lived because I already chose what I wanted and now he said he was going to decide what to give me, I was sad. It was only later I realised that there was a reason for that. Papa always gave the best diary to Amma, and then it was anybody else, luckily for me he found something better for Amma and I got to keep the diary I chose and thus began my journey of writing. I wonder what an eight year old me would have written in that diary, I don't even know where to look for it. But I guess it is better off buried deep inside somewhere, who knows what embarrassing stuff I am going to find in that lol, but looking back now I do feel proud that I did that, whether it was good bad or embarrassing I liked something and I pursued it and got it, even if it was something as small as a diary.

I think there is some sort of courage we have as children that propels us toward getting what we wanted, and somehow as we grow older that courage seems to wane off little by little. Sure we are more practical maybe but that confidence to just go get it when we were children is something that is so wonderful. Maybe every once in a while it is good to look back to the past to regain the qualities we once possessed. On that happy thought I am ending today's write up, and begin my day. A wonderful day to anyone who is reading this.