Inscriptions

 Today I was in a mood to write something, nothing in particular, but just felt like putting some words down, the weather seems so pleasant, it is raining outside and I'm in here listening to Billie Eilish singing 'Everything I wanted'. Something in her voice make me want to write and so here I am.  Things seem to be getting worse by the day on the outside, every time we see the news, or open any social media pages. Each time we receive a call from someone we haven't spoken in a long time, it worries us because we don't know what has happened to them. In these tough times, I am more and more thankful each day for the things that I have in my life, and I am trying to focus on the good things in life ad trying to make the most with what I have got, for who knows what tomorrow may bring. I keep trying to push away the things that cause me immense pain and try to focus on all the good I have as difficult is it is to do that. I try so hard not to think of the future and ...

I can feel myself drifting away from all the things I wanted to do, every time I try harder to stay on track it makes it so much more difficult to do them, and if I just stop trying, I am overcome with guilt which creeps up on me the moment I seem to lose focus and it weighs me down like a heavy burden on my shoulder. So basically I am stuck in a loop of trying to just take a break and feeling guilty and straying further away from my goals and aspirations. And sometimes when I contemplate hard about where things are going I go on a down an even more dangerous path and I am afraid of what would happen if I go there.  So I keep trying to shun the guilt and numb all feeling and escape to a place that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. While I am able t do that when I am wide awake, I seem to have no control over what I dream, it taps me on my shoulder in my dreams and wakes me up so I don't sleep and keep pondering over what my life is going to be like. And that is one of the mos...