Skip to main content

 It has been a really long time since I wrote anything here. I did write in the beginning of this year, but it was all too much; I had so much going on at that time. Honestly, I don't know how the first few months of this year went by; I think there were moments where I was just trying to exist. But in the recent past I have started to live again, or at least tried to, and it feels good. But I have been extremely cautious in hoping about anything; I don't think I am exactly where I want to be yet, but I have begun to have some hope that I might be getting there slowly. Of course I am still worried about how I am going to be able to manage everything; I don't want to lose touch with the things that have kept me going. Especially because I seemed to have made some progress. This year I think it really helped me to get through a tough time. I focused a lot of my energy on drawing, painting and making videos and have picked up a few skills along the way. Though it didn't seem like much at that time, now when I look back, I feel happy that even at a time when I felt so hopeless about things, I still didn't stop trying, didn't stop doing something to keep myself going. Now things seem to be settling a little bit, not quite what I would like them to be, but it is a start, and I cannot even begin to express how it gladdens my heart. I am slowly beginning to feel a tad bit like my former self. I felt that I lost that part of me for quite some time, and it feels so good to be able to connect with her once again. 
I am excited to get back to writing. That is not to say that I am not afraid; I have so many apprehensions at this moment, but the idea that I can write again warms my heart. I only hope I don't lose touch or ignore the other things that have enriched my life in the recent past. I want to keep journaling. I took it up as a challenge this year to keep at it no matter what, and in the recent past I haven't been able to get to it. I hope that I am able to do it at least now. I was beginning to do well; I got the hang of it, posting on Instagram and YouTube, but I had to hit pause on that due to various reasons. I hope in time I am able to catch up with all that has been pending. 

This year has taught me that I am happy when I follow my creative pursuits. Whatever happens next, I am happy that I was able to make time and space for that. I hope what I have learnt in the past few months is something I am able to carry forward and practice and make into something meaningful and tangible. I hope I am able to persevere to achieve my dreams.

But I must say, after a very long time, I am eager to see what good things life will bring forth next. It has been a while since I felt this way; feeling anxious and being filled with dread had become second nature to me, so the very thought of even feeling slightly happy feels so foreign to me. But I am learning to embrace the feeling, even if I am doing it at a glacial pace. It is something! It is still progress, and it is moving forward in a sense. So that is a good thing, I suppose. I wait with bated breath and fingers crossed, hoping that I will learn to accept happier things to happen in my life without always turning to feelings of anxiousness and fear. I hope I am able to make way for happiness and remind myself that I deserve happiness and that life is not always going to be the way it has been for a while. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I can feel myself drifting away from all the things I wanted to do, every time I try harder to stay on track it makes it so much more difficult to do them, and if I just stop trying, I am overcome with guilt which creeps up on me the moment I seem to lose focus and it weighs me down like a heavy burden on my shoulder. So basically I am stuck in a loop of trying to just take a break and feeling guilty and straying further away from my goals and aspirations. And sometimes when I contemplate hard about where things are going I go on a down an even more dangerous path and I am afraid of what would happen if I go there.  So I keep trying to shun the guilt and numb all feeling and escape to a place that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. While I am able t do that when I am wide awake, I seem to have no control over what I dream, it taps me on my shoulder in my dreams and wakes me up so I don't sleep and keep pondering over what my life is going to be like. And that is one of the mos...
Post a Comment
Read more
Yesterday, I watched the movie Bombshell, it stirred up a lot of emotions for me while watching that movie, I couldn't hold  my tears back, while watching it, especially this particular scene, wherein there are women who were harassed by Roger years ago, and each of their experiences are played out one by one, it was very distressing to hear it, this was the scene that shook me. There very many others, but this particularly had some impact on me. It has never been easy for women to come into the workforce, women have always been a lopsided world, the way things work for men are different and different for women, you are put at a disadvantage right from the start even before you can begin, because you're a woman, it automatically is assumed that whatever you do, a man can do it better, it doesn't matter how good you are at the job. The first thing you're seen as is a sexual object more than a good worker, what ever the role may be, if someone helps you out in somethin...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Beginning

As a young adult I have always wanted to be a writer, and i wrote a lot of stuff, which i wouldnt exactly call great, so i felt embarrassed about it and then i stopped and then i started to write again but, no longer with the same ease that i did earlier on, now I keep struggling to write, I keep getting stuck at every point, I don't know what to write about so I thought of taking it up as a challenge this year, to write at least 250 words every day, about anything, without worrying about how good or bad it is, and see how that might help me in honing my writing skills. I hope I am able to follow through on this and not leave it like I did before. Earlier I thought I could postpone one day's writing to another but that only makes it worse, so the important thing is to not keep any backlogs I suppose. Let's see where this takes me.  
Post a Comment
Read more