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  So, this is about fifteen days into the New Year, 2022, I cannot believe that it is 2022 already. I know most people will relate to this feeling, so many of us are mentally somewhere in 2019. Once the Pandemic hit us, we couldn’t fathom the way the world around us was about to change and how that in turn would change us. Since March 2020 I feel like I have been stuck in a limbo, not sure of what was going on and not sure of what was going to happen. To be honest, the past two years have been extremely tough, I know this is true for so many people all around the world. But on a personal note I don’t think it was just the pandemic alone that caused me so much pain mentally, it was to do with the things that were going on in my life as well, initially the lockdown served as a time to heal from past wounds some of which were freshly inflicted upon me just before the lockdown, but as the first wave subsided I was hit with something even bigger, my PhD being at stake, my whole career h...

 Today I was in a mood to write something, nothing in particular, but just felt like putting some words down, the weather seems so pleasant, it is raining outside and I'm in here listening to Billie Eilish singing 'Everything I wanted'. Something in her voice make me want to write and so here I am.  Things seem to be getting worse by the day on the outside, every time we see the news, or open any social media pages. Each time we receive a call from someone we haven't spoken in a long time, it worries us because we don't know what has happened to them. In these tough times, I am more and more thankful each day for the things that I have in my life, and I am trying to focus on the good things in life ad trying to make the most with what I have got, for who knows what tomorrow may bring. I keep trying to push away the things that cause me immense pain and try to focus on all the good I have as difficult is it is to do that. I try so hard not to think of the future and ...

I can feel myself drifting away from all the things I wanted to do, every time I try harder to stay on track it makes it so much more difficult to do them, and if I just stop trying, I am overcome with guilt which creeps up on me the moment I seem to lose focus and it weighs me down like a heavy burden on my shoulder. So basically I am stuck in a loop of trying to just take a break and feeling guilty and straying further away from my goals and aspirations. And sometimes when I contemplate hard about where things are going I go on a down an even more dangerous path and I am afraid of what would happen if I go there.  So I keep trying to shun the guilt and numb all feeling and escape to a place that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. While I am able t do that when I am wide awake, I seem to have no control over what I dream, it taps me on my shoulder in my dreams and wakes me up so I don't sleep and keep pondering over what my life is going to be like. And that is one of the mos...

I have no specific topic to write about today, but I just wanted to write something as a way to get my day started, so this probably is going to be some random collection of thoughts crossing through my head right now. I am listening to Angel in your eyes, by LSD (Labrinth, Sia, Diplo), and I am literally dancing while typing this out. I really like the beats of this song. I think this is a great way to start my day, with music. Honestly I always did that at one point. I would begin my day with music, of course it used be prayer first and then music. At various points in life I have Noticed, I had music playing on ALL.THE.TIME. I think it started off in School, Papa had gifted me this cute little radio, it was so tiny, it would fit in my hand, I could hold it up to my ear and listen, it almost looked like a cell phone, I remember my matron once thought it was a phone and almost confiscated but stopped after realising that it was only a radio. I had it with me all the time, but it was i...

One good thing about reaching the writing part of research is it requires you to keep writing and what better way is there to write than practicing how to write?  So I have a legitimate reason now to keep writing and need not feel guilty about diverting my mind to something else when I am supposed to be doing my research. Having said that I want to talk about two movies I watched recently, and have a few thoughts I want to put down before my brain gets fogged and I forget about it.  So I watched Nerkonda Paaravai and Pink recently, what motivated me to watch both you ask, well, I happened to watch the most recent remake of Pink, the Telugu one, titled 'Vakeel Saab' and I was dumbfounded. So I watched the two movies once again with my sister to just be clear of what the moves were like. If and when I watch the Telugu remake I intend to write a review of it as well along with a comparative analysis with the other two namely Hindi and Tamil films (if time permits). As of now thes...

After a long hiatus, I am back to writing again, yayy! I am not sure if I can do it on a daily basis like I intended to, but at least I'm going to write a little bit more than the last two months (hopefully).  Starting from mid January almost I immersed myself in completing my research, so I kept everything aside, all the things I wanted to do this year, all the resolutions I made had to take a back seat, I feel like I had to put a whole part of my life on hold and focus on just this one thing and in that period I felt like the only thing that really mattered was just completing the job at hand and I just couldn't get my self to do anything else, it was as though my mind had shut off from being able to do anything else. It was too much of mental effort to take up anything else other than this. I had one task and I had to finish that. Even though I have completely been able to accomplish what I wanted to I am still happy with the work I have done. And the inability to reach my g...

When 2020 was ending, I told myself that 2021 is the year I am going to dedicate to writing and actually make something out of it. But when 2021 came, despite all the determination and self motivation I haven't been able to string words together beyond the two posts I wrote here. I feel this burning passion within me to write and a host of ideas bubbling in mind waiting to be put into words, yet I am unable to do it. True my mind has been rather occupied with completing the immediate task at hand my PhD which is long overdue at this point of time, however, even when I am able to make time for writing, my mind just doesn't seem to allow the words to flow. At this point I feel like all the ideas that flying around my head seem to be imprisoned my this wall that seems to have been put up within me. And each time I try to break down the wall, it only seem to get stronger and stronger and further decelerating the process of writing I was so eager to participate in.  Things aren'...