Inscriptions

 I don't know if I can really write much today.  I was filled with a deep sense of despair when I saw the image of George Floyd, the white officer kneeling on his neck as he was gasping for breath. I couldn't comprehend as to how the officer of law who was supposed protect him violence inflicted on him and watched him breathe his last in cold blood. I couldn't bear to see just the image, I cannot comprehend how one human being can inflict such brutality on a fellow human being. This is a question that props up in my mind at every instance of such violence, violence propagated by the unequal distribution of power, the feeling of supremacy of one group over the other. What gives anyone the right to treat another human as subhuman on the basis of whether it is race, gender, caste, creed, religion, sexual orientation, disabilities, the list is endless. What is appalling is that we have so many ways to discriminate a fellow human being.  The current pandemic has been a harsh r...

I have been seeing numerous cases  where Dalit women have been targeted, criticized and bullied by none other than Dalit men who are supposed Ambedkarites and for what? For speaking up, for lending support to those who have been harassed, for standing up for their fellow women who have been mistreated. It pains my heart to see this gross mistreatment meted out to all the women who are fighting the patriarchy among the Dalit circles especially the intellectual circles which sadly are becoming hotspots for blaming women and shaming them saying they are trying to weaken the movement instead of actually hearing their voices and trying to see their point of view. Either they are being silenced, criticized, condescended or shamed for simply speaking out.  Everyday social media platform has become a battleground where men have been ganging up against women and some women too jumping in on the band wagon with the men and thereby giving more strength to the existing patriarchy among th...

Around four months back, I stopped using my facebook account. It was really hard to disconnect at first, I started my day with it and ended my day with it. It was one way to keep up with everything that was going on not just around me but in general as well. But it was getting too toxic for me after a while and I couldn't take it anymore, so I deleted the app from my phone because I felt that it would be too tempting for me to just log in at some point if I had to keep the app. For the first few days it felt like there was this vacuum, it made me think how much of a role it probably played in my life. I was going through a lot at that time when all this happened. Every small thing I would see on facebook would trigger me emotionally, and this emotional trigger would send me on a downward spiral, endless thoughts, arguments, conflicts and discussions. Everything I wanted to do and say but couldn't and it would make me more and more sad and depressed.  I knew what the root cause ...

I wanted to be able to write everyday but somehow wasn't able to do that. This is some sort of self-motivation. I had a good streak and then somehow I got busy with things and I couldn't write. it is a little disappointing, but I think the important thing is to not give up hope. I think this year is all about trying and failing and trying again to do the same thing. I think it is important to not let failure to get to you and make you lose hope, if it is something that you want to do. You've got to keep working at it, yes it is not going to be easy but you've got to find a way to get up, dust yourself off and keep going again and again never forgetting the bigger goal you have in mind. The bigger goal for me is to be able to publish my book this year or by the next year. it is no easy task, but it is not an impossible task. I should be able to write everyday to keep my writing skills sharp but there are going to be bad days where I am not able to do what I want to...

It's a new day and once again I am stuck, not knowing what to write except I don't want to not write, it has been good the past few days and this has been one of the consistent things, trying to write everyday apart from trying to sleep early and wake up early. In fact I can't believe this, but I am not playing civilization because I am afraid I will screw up the sleep cycle and fall back on all my targets. Civilization is this video game which I love playing, it is amazing, it is one the best games I have played, ok not that I have played that many but its is one of the best I have played among the few I have explored thanks to my gamer husband. I think what I particularly like about civilization is that you get to play as a female lead, a great female leader in the past and you learn a bit about history too. I learned about Theodora of Byzantine, who was a prostitute and rose to the position of empress she was married to Justinian, she was his chief advisors, she also ha...

Today was an amazing start, even though I woke up angry and irritated because of the heat, the morning turned out to be surprisingly sweet. Rohi made breakfast for me this morning, it is one my favourite things when he pampers me. It reminds me of the time we were falling in love, it was our thing where he would make me breakfast and wake me up, we would sit together and chat and eat and laugh. It felt good to relive that. Another thing that made me happy is my lemon cake, correction, lemon pound cake. I made it last evening but was too full to have it, and good that I didn't because it literally was 'sweet surprise' in the morning. I really enjoyed baking it yesterday, I think I liked it because I also tweaked the recipe slightly and it turned out pretty good. I really enjoyed baking it yesterday, especially when I put it in the oven, watching the cake rise gave me inexplicable joy, I think I may have gone to oven and admired it a few times. I think sometimes it is t...

I wasn't able to write yesterday, maybe my mind was too clogged, I knew what I wanted to write about but still couldn't get myself to write, maybe it will take me some more time to write about it. To be honest, writing everyday is more tough than it seems, now I am wondering what was I thinking when I told myself that I am going to write everyday! Somedays you just don't get the flow to write, it has to do with the fear of not wanting to sound repetitive I suppose that keeps you from writing on most days, because you don't quite know what to write. But pushing yourself to write even if you are not able to is probably one way of trying to hone your writing skills. Writing like this reminds me of the time I used to write my diary as a child and teen. As an adult I knew better than pouring out my most intimate feelings into a book that is accessible to all at home. Come to think of it I am more  comfortable putting my thoughts out there on the internet for everyone to...

When I was in my early teens I came across a diary in the bookshelf at home, it was a navy blue book with letters inscribed in gold, I liked the book so much and felt like taking it for myself and using it, so I quickly opened the book with excitement to see what it was like inside, my excitement was cut short by the letters that filled the pages of the book. I knew it was my mother's writing, I tried to make sense of what was written , it was all in telugu,  as I kept browsing through the pages I saw letters neatly arranged in paragraphs and it was endless, I tried to read one or two and began to realise these were poems that Amma wrote for Papa, it was one of the most romantic things I has seen. I felt a sudden admiration for the woman who put her love into these beautiful words, and suddenly saw her in a different light, the strict mother who I didn't think was capable of feeling so much had so much of emotion inside her, so much of love, I just wanted to run to my mother ...

It's a new month, and it is my birthday month....I remember how excited I used to as a child when I had to turn the page of the calendar to May, coz it was my birthday. Even though my birthday seems to be something of a worrisome issue in my adulthood, there is still a childish pat in me that gets excited about May first. But I don't want to dive too deep into that today, I want to write about what happened one year ago yesterday, i.e., 30th April, 2019.   It surely was a great memory, I was invited to deliver a talk on the occasion of the the birth Anniversaries of Jyotiba Phule and Dr. Ambedkar, I experienced a mixed bag of emotions from excitement to nervousness,  extreme anxiety, I was pretty worried that once I am up the stage I wont be able to get the words out of my mouth, but to my surprise I went on speaking for about half an hour, I spoke so much that I had to be notified about two times to cut my speech short. I think I felt all those emotions because it was som...